Week One wasn’t that bad. It was battle between my nerves and my excitement. Sometimes I don’t know the difference between the two, because they are so entwined. I knew I had to change how I was fueling and resting my body. No staying up late, no junk food, and lots of self care.
I love having such a sharp focused goal for myself. I am a better person when I run. Running balances me out, it is my meditation. I can go for a run and zone out completely and I can go for a run and figure out whats on my mind and spend time working through it. This allows me to be a better friend, a more creative person, and kinder to myself.
Something I think about a lot when I run is why I signed up for this marathon. Some of you may know that two years ago I ran this same race and due to freak weather, I ran 22 miles before being told the race was cancelled. It was 85 degrees and about 85% humidity, and for May in Vermont, that is not normal. I felt cheated, I knew how to hydrate and I was almost done with the race that I trained so hard for. I cried the entire bus ride back to the finish line where my mom assured me that I was a marathoner and I deserved my medal. But when I got that medal, I didn’t feel like I earned it. I felt like a fraud because in my stubborn mind, I did not achieve my goal.
I signed up the next year, determined I would go back and finish what I started. But life got in the way. I was changing majors, dealing with college and life and starting a new relationship. My heart wasn’t in running. I wasn’t training properly, I was getting sick all the time, I wasn’t treating my body the way I should have. So I didn’t run the marathon.
This year is different. It is time for me to go back and earn that medal. I took a break from long distance running, worked out in different ways, like barre classes. By the time I was about 4 months into going to barre regularly, I felt strong enough and I finally felt at peace with my body. The time is right and I am following my soul.
Going into week 2, I am really focusing on reminding myself of why I am running. My biggest demon will be forgetting the ‘why’ and losing sight of the end goal. Running is such a mental game, it isn’t just if your body is strong enough to carry you 26.2 miles. It is if your mind will break the wall and allow you to let your body take you 26.2 miles.